I Suck... Period

yesterday was definitely not one of my finer moments. i had originally thought that i would name this post "i suck at sucking" but that would be a complete and utter lie. i'm actually very good at sucking. when i mess up, i mess up big time... and it seems like each subsequent time i mess things up, the order of magnitude increases. thus, i suck... period. (in fact, sucking is probably one of my perfected traits like instigating.)

yesterday was supposed to be a celebration. it was my last day at my company. one of my friends (carlos) had planned a farewell get together after work with some of my other friends. we were to hang out, have fun, and just enjoy the night together.

instead, i threw a wrench in the plans... which is definitely not good considering i was the guest of honor. i think what may make matters worse is the fact that i don't remember a good portion of what i did while i was sucking. sadly, i only remember everything up until late afternoon.

i had made a visit to the company's other office at 101 federal street. the other office houses 5 people, and they wanted to give me a little congratulatory send-off party in the afternoon. involved in this congratulatory party was the owner's new bottle of scotch. as homer simpson would say... alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems.

needless to say, i imbibed from the bottle. i had figured that i would have just a little so that i could still meet up with my friends. unfortunately, i imbibed a little too much... two-thirds of the bottle too much. apparently, scotch hits quick. i went from normal to sloppy drunk like it was a flick of a switch. in retrospect, i would obviously not have drank as much in the short time frame.

from what i have been told (since i have a tendency to black out during my fine moments), a cab was called to take me home. you'd think that would be the end of the story. of course not... because as i said earlier... when i suck... i suck big time. apparently, when i arrived at my house, i was too drunk to stand. i could not even get into the house. my neighbors had to come over to help. my brother-in-law (pj) had to come over to help. even my parents had to come over to help. i apparently, looked like death... and i must have felt that way too because i had regurgitation everywhere.

everyone did an amazing job of taking care of me. i owe them all my thanks. pj thinks that had i not regurgitated everywhere, i may have had to have my stomach pumped. yesterday was the worst state of drunkiness that he has ever seen, and he has seen a lot of states of intoxication. i am lucky to have him as a brother-in-law. in fact, i'm lucky to have so many people care about me.

i think the thing that kills me the most is that i let so many people down yesterday. i can live with embarrassing myself. no one really takes me seriously anyways so that's easy to do. unfortunately, my actions embarrassed karen. my actions embarrassed my parents. my actions embarrassed my family. my actions probably embarrassed my neighbors as they probably think they are living near the public drunk.

not only that... i dissed all of my friends who wanted to celebrate with me. i stood up my friend (hot amy) who i wanted to have one last train ride with. i stood up my friend (carlos) who organized the party. i stood up my other friends (jen and bill). i even stood up my other friend (aimee) who made the extra effort to find time to attend the party. if there were other people who attended the party that i missed, i apologize for not listing you.

so what it basically boils down to is that i suck... plain and simple. i screwed up. if i can go back in time to change things, i would. i know no matter what i say, my family and friends have every right to excommunicate me. and right now, they have every reason to. and whether it's enough or not, all i can say is "i'm sorry." so to everyone, i'm sorry and i hope you guys forgive me.