I Suck At Attending A Service For Remembrance

last night, karen's parents, karen, and i went to the old south union church in weymouth. the church is directly across from the south shore hospital, which where my son (braden michael) was born... and passed.

anyway, the old south union church was having a service for remembrance for those who have lost their children... whether it was from extreme prematurity, being still born, having cancer, car accident... whatever the reason. too bad i suck at attending a service for remembrance.

karen and i actually received an invitation in the mail about the service. the service for remembrance (and hope... as it is officially known as) has been going on for the past 15 years. (last night was the 16th annual service.) apparently, south shore hospital works in conjunction with the old south church to offer the service for families who have lost their children. in my opinion, it is a very nice thing to offer families as they attempt to cope with the loss of a child. it is comforting to know that the south shore hospital recognizes the grieving process and that they don't simply forget about you when you leave the hospital.

as for the service itself, the service was nice. the service is non-denomination... but the obvious emphasis is a belief in god. for anyone who knows me, they would know i am not much for believing in god. heck, i still have original sin. even if i were to believe in god, i would probably not be his most ardent fan right now with the loss of my son, braden. (if you have ever seen the movie "dracula" with gary oldman... picture the scene where gary oldman first becomes the creature of the night. i believe he asks why god has forsaken him. thus, if i were to believe in god, that is probably how i would feel right now. luckily, i have not been turned into a vampire yet.)

anyway, i wasn't much for the faith-based service. the part of the service i did enjoy, however, was the telling of personal stories by some families who had lost their respective children. one woman read a poem that she wrote and gave to her husband on father's day. their child was unfortunately stillborn. the poem was through the child's perspective and about even though they never really met, the child knew his father loved him by hearing the stories he read to her belly and things like that.

there was another personal story involving a woman and her second child. the first child unfortunately passed away. for school, the second child had to do a family tree for an assignment. the child then had a dilemma about whether to include her sister on the family tree or not. she did not want people to feel sad should they see the family tree and inquire about her lost sister. it was touching. (she eventually did put her sister on the family tree.)

afterwards, we got to hear braden's name read aloud as he was remembered during the service. all in all, it was a good service. the night was definitely harder than i expected because all those thoughts i had three months ago when everything was happening was brought to the forefront... probably because in my mind, the service was for braden and just seeing the familiar faces from south shore hospital reminded me of my time with braden in the neonatal intensive care unit.

but after yesterday, i've come to realize that my fear is unfounded. i don't know why i even thought of it in the first place... because i will never forget about braden.