I Suck At Visiting The Cemetery

yesterday, i was still feeling a little down in the dumps. for some reason, i have been having constant thoughts about my son (braden) who passed away in september of last year. truth be told, my wild mood swings irk me. i know when my mood is changing, yet i can't seem to do anything about reversing the feeling.

i just hope my mood improves next week when the photo scavenger hunt that i am organizing finally takes place. i have been planning a photo scavenger hunt with a bunch of friends. needless to say, the planning has stressed me out at times because i simply want everything to go without and hitch and hope everyone has fun.

anyway, karen went to correct case studies at my friend's (hot amy) place for the class that both of them are teaching at simmons college. so while karen was out, i decided to take my mind off things by working on the house. for anyone curious, i was installing molding around the sliding door on our first floor. the installation actually went quicker than expected (probably because i was only installing the inside molding). sure, i had the frustration of noticing our cracked walls... but it was nothing a little tape and joint compound couldn't take care of.

having finished pretty early, i decided to get out and enjoy the nice weather. so, i did what any normal person who has not exercised in quite some time done: i went running. sadly, i only ran one mile... as my stomach began to cramp... proof that i should have been a little more hydrated before deciding to run.

needless to say, i thought the running would clear my mind. it didn't. so, i decided to walk to the cemetery where braden is buried. now i suck visiting the cemetery. lucky for me, braden is buried not too far from where i live so i can visit him at any time with ease.

when i went to the cemetery, i had the pleasure of meeting a relative (sheila) to one of braden's neighbors. sheila had just arrived at the cemetery as well (although she drove). perhaps it was coincidence that we were both there at the same time... or maybe there was a reason for it. but, it was nice meeting with sheila.

i actually started to break down talking to sheila because she had asked who i was visiting. as it turned out, sheila also lost a son named michael. it still amazes me how many people i find who have lost children. anyway, shiela told me a story about how her husband, a state trooper, was in a high speed car accident that sent him flying 60 feet. by all logical accounts, he should not have made it out alive. yet, he remarkably was all right. sheila attributed his survival to the fact that her son michael was watching over her husband.

needless to say, it was a nice comforting story. after telling me that things would get better for me, sheila left. i thanked her of course. as she drove away, i basically sat at the foot of braden's flat marker. i actually sat there for quite some time just thinking about my son.