little did he know, i suck at wedding after parties. but, who was i to deny a groom on his wedding day? subsequently, my friend (ron) who was in garv's wedding party, also asked if i could drive him home in his car because we live fairly close to one another.
well... chauffeuring is what i do best... apparently. so i went to the after party. it goes without saying that ron drank a little too much. for some reason, he decided to transport the cake from the reception to the hotel... by carrying it on his head. along the way, he would ask random strangers if they wanted a bite of the cake... taking occasional bites himself. ron was absolutely covered in cake frosting. it was all over his tux, his face... everywhere.
while at the after party, ron eventually got changed thanks to garv's brother (kevin). he would continue the good times well into the night. i spent most of the night with my friend (scott), my friend's brother (adam), and my other friend (kim). we were probably the only sober ones there... with the exception of kim who got a little glassy eyed. i take that back, my friend (sam) and his wife (tara) were there too and they didn't drink either. they did a little canoodling in the corner... on a single chair.
anyway, as usual adam passed out. he is narcoleptic. so, we let him sleep on the couch until it came time for him to meet up with his bartender girlfriend after work (which would be about 3:30am). in the meantime, i got to live it up with the young'uns (because sadly, i was one of the older people there.) and by live it up, i mean talk people down from balconies.
there was one blonde girl at the after party... who i noticed of course because i am attracted to shiny objects. she was absolutely trashed... and quite frankly... looked a little trashy and i don't mean in the inebriation sense of the word with her underwear hanging out and multiple men rubbing her feet. well, for some reason... she had an argument with one of the guys there and leapt over the railing and onto the balcony. given that we were fairly high up... in a suite and all... we attempted to talk her down. she was like... and i paraphrase "all you guys ever do is poop on me because i'm the only white person here." she, of course, was mistaken. she wasn't the only white person there. and in my attempt to be rational with her, i also told her that i like white women... so i most likely would not poop on her. we eventually got her to get down and back on the right side of the railing, but it wasn't due to my rationalizations of course.
anyway, ron continued to party it up. in fact, he partied it up so much that he passed out. so now adam had a partner to be passed out with... albeit for different reasons. well, it wasn't too long before we woke adam up. his girlfriend came to meet him at the hotel. so they left together. from there, we started to wake ron up... that's when the fun started.
ron swayed back and forth... trying to stay awake. we had to pat ron down to look for his car keys. as it turned out... he didn't even have his car keys on him. in what is known as hindsight, ron thinks his keys were in his suit that he gave to kevin when he changed out of his cake encrusted tuxedo. kevin, unfortunately, had long since went home. bummer... although it's probably better anyway because as i came to find out during the after party... ron's car... is manual. he didn't tell me that fact so i wouldn't have been able to drive his car anyway... or at least... drive it well.
lucky for us, scott was still there and offered to drive everyone home. when we asked ron if he had his house keys... he said it was with his car keys... d'oh again. in ron's drunken stupor, however, he said we wouldn't need the house key anyway. i assumed that meant we could go through his garage door via his keypad or something.
needless to say, scott and i walked ron down to the lobby of the hotel. while scott got the car, ron passed out again on the bench outside. kim was still with us too... she was the backup plan for driving ron's car because she had a vague knowledge of driving manual. plus, she wanted to make sure adam was able to meet up with his girlfriend.
we got ron in the car and did a quick tour of chinatown to make sure ron's car was still where he had left it... at the china pearl restaurant parking lot. it took awhile to get ron to tell us where the car was... but we found it. the car was still there. too bad the doors to the car were locked.
so, we embarked on our little ride home. after dropping off kim in quincy, scott drove us to pembroke where ron lives. ron was still passed out in the back seat. when we finally got to ron's house, both scott and i looked for a way into ron's house. the doors were locked. there also... was no keypad for the garage doors. this was not good. eventually, ron woke up and called his wife. she did not look too happy... in part because it was already 5 in the morning by this point...
anyway, she unlocked the front door for ron. well, i finally made it home too. after walking through the front door, i went upstairs to my bedroom and crashed. it was a long day... and night... and morning. thankfully, scott was there at the after party. i don't know what we would have done otherwise. thanks scott!
ADDENDUM:
(pictured below is ron with the cake. picture taken by guest photographer... kim.)
2 comments:
aw, i'm sad i missed all the fun. please tell me that you got pictures of ron covered in cake and frosting!
what the heck was the cake made of? why was everyone's tongues black?
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