I Suck At Attending A Service For Remembrance

It's good to know that I can still feel pain.

On Tuesday, Karen, my twenty month old daughter (Briana), and I attended the 19th Annual Service of Remembrance at the Old South Union Church located directly across from South Shore Hospital. The service is held for families who have lost children. Too bad, I suck at attending a service for remembrance.

I've been attending the service ever since our son (Braden) passed away in 2008. As a result, this year was the fourth annual service I've been to. It's amazing how quickly time goes by.

For anyone curious, the service in addition to remembering the lost loved ones allows for people to share encouraging stories with one another. And every year at the service, I always wonder what it is that I would say if I had that opportunity. I don't think there's really much I could say other than the experience sucks. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Luckily for everyone, I did not share that encouraging thought. Instead, I spent the entire service at the "crib room" complements of my loving daughter. My always curious daughter was definitely not going to sit patiently through the service. So off to the "crib room" we went... at the start of the service.

The crib room is essentially a play area to keep little children occupied during the service. The room also broadcasts the on-going service, so that you don't really miss out on anything that is said. Interestingly enough, Briana and I were not the only ones there. When we got there, a mother and two of her children were already in the room.

I generally think Briana is a handful. She's curious and on the go until she sleeps. Fortunately for me, Briana pales in comparison to one of the children I met in the crib room. The girl was slightly older than Briana and she literally ran non-stop circles around the room for the entire service. It was impressive... and insane at the same time.

Needless to say, despite the interesting experience in the crib room, I did get to hear Braden's name over the speakers. It was good to be able to dedicate a night to him, which is something I think I don't do as often as I'd like.

And as proof as to how soft I have become, I actually teared up in the crib room. It was not even for Braden. The grandmother of the other two children in the room was telling me how her daughter lost her son. To me, it was just an awful story about how the unborn child was near full term and just one day, the mother could not feel any movement. The baby simply had passed away. I think what struck me as the worst part of the story was that the mother had to deliver the deceased baby. I felt so sad when I heard that. Heck, I feel sad typing it right now.

Anyway, it was good to remember Braden. I still wonder what he would be like right now if he had survived. I miss you, Braden. Please don't forget that I'll always love you.