I Suck At Medical Bracelets

tonight is dietitian night. it also happens to be ladies night as my friends (dolores and hot amy) are having dinner with karen. dolores and hot amy are dietitians like karen.

their original plan was to watch that movie "the women". well, since that movie thankfully seems to have fallen off the planet, they decided to go try the new thai restaurant in norwell known as "wild ginger". i've never been to the wild ginger. i'm hoping karen will bring me back a doggy bag so that i can at least see if the restaurant is worth going to in the future.

needless to say, while karen is away... i get to party... and by party on a monday night, i mean write my blog. nothing says fun and excitement like writing a blog post... let me tell you.

anyway, today i feel a little alone... and not because karen is out with dolores and hot amy consuming mass quantities of thai cuisine. i feel a little alone because my medical bracelet snapped off and broke today. suffice to say... i suck at medical bracelets. (i was originally going to say that i feel naked, but i didn't want any of you to get that unflattering visual of me.)

the medical bracelet that i have been wearing up until today was first given to me when karen entered the hospital and delivered our son (braden). it was a means for the hospital to identify both karen and i as parents of braden.

unfortunately, braden passed away. i have been wearing the medical bracelet ever since as a means to remember and honor my little dragon, braden. i still miss him. and i still get choked up ever so often thinking about him. one of my fears, whether real or not, is forgetting about my son. i hope that i never forget. for anyone who knows me, my memory is not that great... hence, that is one reason why i take a lot of pictures and videos... and even write this blog, so that i can remember things. my friends like to call my memory... "selective memory".

anyway, i know it's just a silly medical bracelet. the bracelet was bound to break eventually because it's all discolored and brittle now from being in the shower and all that. karen's name has faded from the bracelet, but little braden's number of 34565 is still legible.

my original plan was to wear the bracelet until i could get a new engraved bracelet with braden's name and hand print... so that it would symbolically represent my little son holding my hand and vice versa.

with the bracelet snapping off today, i'll have to speed up the process of getting that engraved one. i just didn't want to feel rushed and possibly miss something in getting the engraved bracelet done... and then have doubts about whether i should have done this instead of that. after all, this bracelet is one of the physical means i have left that i can use to constantly remember and honor my son.

as silly as this sounds, engraving a bracelet is probably the one thing that i can control... and there really hasn't been many things that i have been in control of in regards to the birth, life and passing of braden. thus, i just want everything done right for my son and for me.