Happy Father's Day!
Sadly, I suck at Father's Day. Truth be told, I actually almost broke down in tears today on my way to the cemetery. The loss of my son (Braden) almost four years ago still hurts. I guess in some ways, it's good to know that I'm still human.
All in all, today was a nice day. My in-laws invited Karen, my two year old daughter (Briana), my three month old daughter (Bridget), and I over for lunch to celebrate Father's Day. It was nice of my in-laws. Plus, the lunch was good.
One of the more interesting things about today was actually running into my friend (Jen). My in-laws happen to live near Jen. As we were taking Briana and Bridget out for a walk down Wollaston Beach, I mentioned to Karen that perhaps we should stop by Jen's place to see if she would want to go for the walk too.
And pretty much on queue: a car comes driving along, stops right in front of us, and out jumps Jen. Jen was ecstatic to see us and go for a walk along the beach. It was bizarre timing.
Regardless, it was good to see Jen. I haven't seen Jen in some time. Apparently, she is running a couple of road races soon. She even wanted me to run one of the races with her, which is quite enticing. The problem of course, is that I haven't done anything remotely active in over two years unless overeating is considered "being active".
In all honesty, I have been thinking about running a lot lately. My latest idea has been to go running at night when my family is asleep, since that is generally the time I have available to myself. I'm not sure if Karen agrees with my idea or not.
I know she's not too fond of my parcour idea. Hardcore parcour! I've been toying with the idea of trying parcour. The subject interests me only because it looks neat and I'm currently addicted to American Ninja Warrior. But we'll see. And for anyone curious, I think Wollaston Beach would be a nice place to start parcour. At least, that was what I was thinking while walking along the beach today.
Anyway, that was pretty much my Father's Day. The day was rather low key, which I actually preferred because it indirectly involved Braden. I still love you and miss you, Little B. Take care.
Showing posts with label fathers day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fathers day. Show all posts
Monday, June 18, 2012
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I Suck At Father's Day
I suck at Father's Day.
This Sunday was the day commercially known as Father's Day. For me, this was actually the first time I felt that I could actually celebrate the day. Having lost our only child (Braden) at the time in 2008, there was not really much to celebrate on this day last year. But with our baby daughter (Briana) now, it definitely made things easier today.
And before I forget, I wanted to say thank you to all of my friends who were kind enough to pass their thoughts and wish me a happy Father's Day. I do appreciate it. It's always good to know that you have people who care about you even if you sometimes don't care about yourself.
Never wanting to forget about Braden, I started the day off with a little visit to the cemetery. It was a little disheartening to see that the flowers that we had planted had been eaten by animals. As well, there was a streak of dirty covering Braden's stone. The image of disarray was not something that I was hoping for when visiting Braden on Father's Day. But, it happens.
If there is one thing that I have learned from Braden, it's that you can't control everything. Stuff just invariably happens. You can't control it... outside of putting a moat and landmines around the head stone to prevent animals from eating your plants... and even then, I'm sure the animals will find a way to eat them.
Needless to say, I was a little sad during my visit to the cemetery. With Briana and her current eye color, I started to wonder what things would have been like had Braden survived. Would he have had the same eye color? What would his eyes have looked like had he been able to open his eyes before he passed away? It's always those what-if questions that make me ponder and eventually cry... because I'll never know the answer.
Anyway, following the cemetery, Karen took Briana to see Karen's grandparents. It was a way for Karen to give me some quality alone time while at the same time allowing her to visit her grandfather on Father's Day. And what better way to spend quality time than playing video games? Ah... video games. I've missed them so. Nothing kills a few hours like video games. Plus, for those few hours, there are no worries... there are no chores... just mashing buttons, relaxing, and having fun.
Speaking of which, the fun really started shortly after the video gaming. Karen and I were having my parents and her parents over for Father's Day. As well, we had invited my favorite brother-in-law (PJ) to come over as well. Like PJ was so quick to point out, he was a single father this weekend because my favorite sister-in-law (Janine) left to party it up this weekend in New York with her BFF (Gretchen).
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy spending time with my family. As well, I get a kick out of playing with my favorite niece (Kaleigh) and nephew (PJ). Sometimes it would just be nice to relax and not have to worry about whether my mom is sharing baby holding duties equally with Briana's other grandparents, or whatnot. I guess it's only natural to be stressed by parents.
Anyway, all in all, it was a good day. My father got to hold Briana for an extended period of time. I have come to learn that my father really has not held a baby... like ever. I'm not sure if that was a generational thing or not. Apparently, my mom did all the holding (and it shows with how she is with Briana). So I was pretty happy with that my father got to hold Briana. After all, it is Father's Day. I want the best for my father. Since Braden's passing, I've come to realize how limited our time on Earth is... so I was happy to know that my father got to hold Briana for some time while he could.
This Sunday was the day commercially known as Father's Day. For me, this was actually the first time I felt that I could actually celebrate the day. Having lost our only child (Braden) at the time in 2008, there was not really much to celebrate on this day last year. But with our baby daughter (Briana) now, it definitely made things easier today.
And before I forget, I wanted to say thank you to all of my friends who were kind enough to pass their thoughts and wish me a happy Father's Day. I do appreciate it. It's always good to know that you have people who care about you even if you sometimes don't care about yourself.
Never wanting to forget about Braden, I started the day off with a little visit to the cemetery. It was a little disheartening to see that the flowers that we had planted had been eaten by animals. As well, there was a streak of dirty covering Braden's stone. The image of disarray was not something that I was hoping for when visiting Braden on Father's Day. But, it happens.
If there is one thing that I have learned from Braden, it's that you can't control everything. Stuff just invariably happens. You can't control it... outside of putting a moat and landmines around the head stone to prevent animals from eating your plants... and even then, I'm sure the animals will find a way to eat them.
Needless to say, I was a little sad during my visit to the cemetery. With Briana and her current eye color, I started to wonder what things would have been like had Braden survived. Would he have had the same eye color? What would his eyes have looked like had he been able to open his eyes before he passed away? It's always those what-if questions that make me ponder and eventually cry... because I'll never know the answer.
Anyway, following the cemetery, Karen took Briana to see Karen's grandparents. It was a way for Karen to give me some quality alone time while at the same time allowing her to visit her grandfather on Father's Day. And what better way to spend quality time than playing video games? Ah... video games. I've missed them so. Nothing kills a few hours like video games. Plus, for those few hours, there are no worries... there are no chores... just mashing buttons, relaxing, and having fun.
Speaking of which, the fun really started shortly after the video gaming. Karen and I were having my parents and her parents over for Father's Day. As well, we had invited my favorite brother-in-law (PJ) to come over as well. Like PJ was so quick to point out, he was a single father this weekend because my favorite sister-in-law (Janine) left to party it up this weekend in New York with her BFF (Gretchen).
Don't get me wrong. I enjoy spending time with my family. As well, I get a kick out of playing with my favorite niece (Kaleigh) and nephew (PJ). Sometimes it would just be nice to relax and not have to worry about whether my mom is sharing baby holding duties equally with Briana's other grandparents, or whatnot. I guess it's only natural to be stressed by parents.
Anyway, all in all, it was a good day. My father got to hold Briana for an extended period of time. I have come to learn that my father really has not held a baby... like ever. I'm not sure if that was a generational thing or not. Apparently, my mom did all the holding (and it shows with how she is with Briana). So I was pretty happy with that my father got to hold Briana. After all, it is Father's Day. I want the best for my father. Since Braden's passing, I've come to realize how limited our time on Earth is... so I was happy to know that my father got to hold Briana for some time while he could.
Monday, June 22, 2009
I Suck At Father's Day
yesterday was the commercial holiday known as father's day. (and here is my sarcastic "yay": yay.)
for anyone curious, karen and i lost our son (braden) in september of last year. braden was born prematurely and only lived for a week. i still remember his cute angelic little face. truth be told, the nurses said braden had my charming debonair good looks... one fact that always seems to make me smile.
anyway, it was actually very nice to receive some sentiments from my friends for father's day. so thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and wishes. i really had appreciated the support.
surprisingly, father's day was not as bad as i had thought it would be. the days leading up to father's day were worse because i had visions that i was just going to have a meltdown. okay, sure, i may have had one meltdown earlier in the morning. i had gotten a very touching card from karen... and we had visited the cemetery. it was very nice. interestingly enough, i'm tearing as i write this paragraph.
sometimes i think that my fear of forgetting my son is coming true... and it kills me. the other day, i was talking with someone who i had not seen in quite some time. as with the usual conversation piece of getting reacquainted, there is the question about "do you have any kids?" when i was asked that question, i said no without even thinking.
quickly realizing my mistake, i actually explained that i had lost braden. i was actually upset with myself for part of the night because i felt like i had let braden down... like i had denied his existence... and that pains me.
i think for me, i am still trying to wrap my head around the feeling i have about being a father... yet, not having a living breathing son. in the technical sense, yes i have a son. his name is braden and he was born september 5, 2009. in the sense when people generally ask about "do you have kids?", no i do not have a son because he is no longer living... having passed away a week after birth. it's one of those things i struggle with: do i tell people what they want to hear or do i tell people the truth?
i know... it's odd that i even have this dilemma because i am generally unfiltered in what i say. after all, i didn't get my "instigator" reputation for saying what people want to hear.
anyway, the actual day of father's day was actually not as bad as i expected it to be. the day started off with a visit to my parents... so that i could celebrate father's day with my father... and then a visit to karen's parents. my favorite sister-in-law (janine), my favorite brother-in-law (pj), my niece (kaleigh), and my nephew (pj) were also there.
apparently, kaleigh and pj had watched the movie "ghostbusters" that day. they loved the movie... drawing pictures of slimer. the pictures were interesting.
karen and i ended father's day hanging out with my bff (kerry). kerry happened to be in the neighborhood. so we watched a few more episodes of veronica mars. it was a good way to end the day.
for anyone curious, karen and i lost our son (braden) in september of last year. braden was born prematurely and only lived for a week. i still remember his cute angelic little face. truth be told, the nurses said braden had my charming debonair good looks... one fact that always seems to make me smile.
anyway, it was actually very nice to receive some sentiments from my friends for father's day. so thank you everyone for your kind thoughts and wishes. i really had appreciated the support.
surprisingly, father's day was not as bad as i had thought it would be. the days leading up to father's day were worse because i had visions that i was just going to have a meltdown. okay, sure, i may have had one meltdown earlier in the morning. i had gotten a very touching card from karen... and we had visited the cemetery. it was very nice. interestingly enough, i'm tearing as i write this paragraph.
sometimes i think that my fear of forgetting my son is coming true... and it kills me. the other day, i was talking with someone who i had not seen in quite some time. as with the usual conversation piece of getting reacquainted, there is the question about "do you have any kids?" when i was asked that question, i said no without even thinking.
quickly realizing my mistake, i actually explained that i had lost braden. i was actually upset with myself for part of the night because i felt like i had let braden down... like i had denied his existence... and that pains me.
i think for me, i am still trying to wrap my head around the feeling i have about being a father... yet, not having a living breathing son. in the technical sense, yes i have a son. his name is braden and he was born september 5, 2009. in the sense when people generally ask about "do you have kids?", no i do not have a son because he is no longer living... having passed away a week after birth. it's one of those things i struggle with: do i tell people what they want to hear or do i tell people the truth?
i know... it's odd that i even have this dilemma because i am generally unfiltered in what i say. after all, i didn't get my "instigator" reputation for saying what people want to hear.
anyway, the actual day of father's day was actually not as bad as i expected it to be. the day started off with a visit to my parents... so that i could celebrate father's day with my father... and then a visit to karen's parents. my favorite sister-in-law (janine), my favorite brother-in-law (pj), my niece (kaleigh), and my nephew (pj) were also there.
apparently, kaleigh and pj had watched the movie "ghostbusters" that day. they loved the movie... drawing pictures of slimer. the pictures were interesting.
karen and i ended father's day hanging out with my bff (kerry). kerry happened to be in the neighborhood. so we watched a few more episodes of veronica mars. it was a good way to end the day.
Monday, June 23, 2008
I Still Suck At Father's Day
due to unforeseen circumstances this past week, karen and i celebrated father's day yesterday (with her father). luckily, i still suck at father's day.
we had met up with my favorite sister-in-law (janine) and her family. it's always a treat to see my niece and nephew (kaleigh and pj, respectively). it actually seemed like kaleigh and pj were in rare form yesterday. it was as though both of them were on sugar-highs... before actually eating any sugar. in fact, i'm not sure pj ever paused when he spoke. he just kept going on and on... much like the energizer bunny.
(pictured below is kaleigh in her attempt to hide behind the couch. my brother-in-law pj is in the background.)
needless to say, dinner was great (sausage casserole). kaleigh seemed to have immensely enjoyed the meal. she got her forearm in a piece of yogurt pie that she licked off. she had brownie chunks all in her teeth and fingers. it was very interesting to watch.
afterwards, all of us gave my father-in-law his present, which was a new computer. he has been using an old computer for quite some time to do things like surf the web and download pictures from his digital camera. i think that computer was created before the dawn of time... the dawn of time being the year 2000. that is how old the computer is. because the computer was so old, it did not even have a cd burner or a dvd burner on it, which my father-in-law really wanted so that he could burn pictures to a disc and share them with his friends.
so, rather than getting him just a burner, all of us decided to get him a new computer. my father-in-law was amazed at how fast the new computer was (which in comparison to the old computer must have made it seem lightning fast.)
needless to say, i spent the rest of the time setting up his computer and installing software. (apparently, that is what i do... that is my "role" according to my in-laws... computer stuff...) unfortunately, i could not get the computer to connect to the internet. the computer was recognizing the router. it just was not connecting to the internet. as it turns out, my father-in-law says that happens a lot with their dsl. as i did not finish yesterday, i'll have to check in with him again later today to see if the computer can connect to the internet.
i was actually pleasantly surprised to receive a present from my in-laws as well. they gave me a survival guide for fathers-to-be. i loved it. although i haven't read the guide yet, i wonder if there is a section on dealing with pregnant women. just kidding.
anyway, last night was good. i think everyone had a good time which was probably needed by my in-laws.
we had met up with my favorite sister-in-law (janine) and her family. it's always a treat to see my niece and nephew (kaleigh and pj, respectively). it actually seemed like kaleigh and pj were in rare form yesterday. it was as though both of them were on sugar-highs... before actually eating any sugar. in fact, i'm not sure pj ever paused when he spoke. he just kept going on and on... much like the energizer bunny.
(pictured below is kaleigh in her attempt to hide behind the couch. my brother-in-law pj is in the background.)
needless to say, dinner was great (sausage casserole). kaleigh seemed to have immensely enjoyed the meal. she got her forearm in a piece of yogurt pie that she licked off. she had brownie chunks all in her teeth and fingers. it was very interesting to watch.
afterwards, all of us gave my father-in-law his present, which was a new computer. he has been using an old computer for quite some time to do things like surf the web and download pictures from his digital camera. i think that computer was created before the dawn of time... the dawn of time being the year 2000. that is how old the computer is. because the computer was so old, it did not even have a cd burner or a dvd burner on it, which my father-in-law really wanted so that he could burn pictures to a disc and share them with his friends.
so, rather than getting him just a burner, all of us decided to get him a new computer. my father-in-law was amazed at how fast the new computer was (which in comparison to the old computer must have made it seem lightning fast.)
needless to say, i spent the rest of the time setting up his computer and installing software. (apparently, that is what i do... that is my "role" according to my in-laws... computer stuff...) unfortunately, i could not get the computer to connect to the internet. the computer was recognizing the router. it just was not connecting to the internet. as it turns out, my father-in-law says that happens a lot with their dsl. as i did not finish yesterday, i'll have to check in with him again later today to see if the computer can connect to the internet.
i was actually pleasantly surprised to receive a present from my in-laws as well. they gave me a survival guide for fathers-to-be. i loved it. although i haven't read the guide yet, i wonder if there is a section on dealing with pregnant women. just kidding.
anyway, last night was good. i think everyone had a good time which was probably needed by my in-laws.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
I Suck At Father's Day
to all those fathers out there, happy father's day!
i'm so happy that karen and i have finally told all of our family and friends about our little expecting news. i would have told everyone when we first found out karen was pregnant if i could. unfortunately, karen wanted to wait until we received the official word from the doctor. anyway, after telling everyone yesterday about the news, karen is a little less stressed now... which is great because i don't think stress is good for a baby.
although i'm not technically a father yet, today is my first father's day. too bad i suck at father's day.
karen and i ended up at my favorite sister-in-law's (janine) for lunch for a little cookout. we also got to wish my favorite brother-in-law (pj) a happy father's day. as always, it was also quite fun to see my niece and nephew (kaleigh and pj). it was probably more fun for kaleigh because she got to "jump" today. anyway, even though i did not expect it, karen and i received a cute onesie from janine, pj, kaleigh, and pj. in addition, we received a book about food for kids and a book about "giggling with daddy". the gifts were very thoughtful. i totally appreciated it. in fact, i can't wait to read the giggles book.
from there, karen and i ended up visiting karen's grandfather to wish him a happy father's day. janine, pj, kaleigh, and pj also went at the same time. it was a riot to watch karen and janine's grandfather joke around with kaleigh. kaleigh was telling karen and janine's grandfather about the dentist. suddenly, karen and janine's grandfather took his dentures out and showed kaleigh. kaleigh was instantly surprised. it was funny.
(pictured below is karen and janine's grandfather with kaleigh.)
afterwards, karen and i made a quick pitstop at st. elizabeth's hospital in brighton to visit karen's grandmother (nana). (st. elizabeth's incidentally happens to be the hospital i was born in.) nana unexpectedly had to enter the hospital yesterday with some cranial bleeding. she looked rather good today which was quite a relief. she just seemed awfully tired and sleepy when karen and i were there. anyway, i'm glad nana appears to be doing better. i hope she gets well soon.
anyway, from there, karen and i capped off father's day at my parents' house. as usual, my mom cooked a lot of food for all of us. it was a good thing that my cousin (betty) and her son (marvin) were there too. as it turns out, marvin is going to hong kong for the summer. he is even going to beijing for the 2008 olympics. that is very exciting. needless to say, my mom's cooking was delicious. i also think my dad was quite happy with all of us there.
all in all, it was a good father's day. again, happy father's day to all you fathers out there.
i'm so happy that karen and i have finally told all of our family and friends about our little expecting news. i would have told everyone when we first found out karen was pregnant if i could. unfortunately, karen wanted to wait until we received the official word from the doctor. anyway, after telling everyone yesterday about the news, karen is a little less stressed now... which is great because i don't think stress is good for a baby.
although i'm not technically a father yet, today is my first father's day. too bad i suck at father's day.
karen and i ended up at my favorite sister-in-law's (janine) for lunch for a little cookout. we also got to wish my favorite brother-in-law (pj) a happy father's day. as always, it was also quite fun to see my niece and nephew (kaleigh and pj). it was probably more fun for kaleigh because she got to "jump" today. anyway, even though i did not expect it, karen and i received a cute onesie from janine, pj, kaleigh, and pj. in addition, we received a book about food for kids and a book about "giggling with daddy". the gifts were very thoughtful. i totally appreciated it. in fact, i can't wait to read the giggles book.
from there, karen and i ended up visiting karen's grandfather to wish him a happy father's day. janine, pj, kaleigh, and pj also went at the same time. it was a riot to watch karen and janine's grandfather joke around with kaleigh. kaleigh was telling karen and janine's grandfather about the dentist. suddenly, karen and janine's grandfather took his dentures out and showed kaleigh. kaleigh was instantly surprised. it was funny.
(pictured below is karen and janine's grandfather with kaleigh.)
afterwards, karen and i made a quick pitstop at st. elizabeth's hospital in brighton to visit karen's grandmother (nana). (st. elizabeth's incidentally happens to be the hospital i was born in.) nana unexpectedly had to enter the hospital yesterday with some cranial bleeding. she looked rather good today which was quite a relief. she just seemed awfully tired and sleepy when karen and i were there. anyway, i'm glad nana appears to be doing better. i hope she gets well soon.
anyway, from there, karen and i capped off father's day at my parents' house. as usual, my mom cooked a lot of food for all of us. it was a good thing that my cousin (betty) and her son (marvin) were there too. as it turns out, marvin is going to hong kong for the summer. he is even going to beijing for the 2008 olympics. that is very exciting. needless to say, my mom's cooking was delicious. i also think my dad was quite happy with all of us there.
all in all, it was a good father's day. again, happy father's day to all you fathers out there.
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