I Suck At Father's Day

I suck at Father's Day.

This Sunday was the day commercially known as Father's Day. For me, this was actually the first time I felt that I could actually celebrate the day. Having lost our only child (Braden) at the time in 2008, there was not really much to celebrate on this day last year. But with our baby daughter (Briana) now, it definitely made things easier today.

And before I forget, I wanted to say thank you to all of my friends who were kind enough to pass their thoughts and wish me a happy Father's Day. I do appreciate it. It's always good to know that you have people who care about you even if you sometimes don't care about yourself.

Never wanting to forget about Braden, I started the day off with a little visit to the cemetery. It was a little disheartening to see that the flowers that we had planted had been eaten by animals. As well, there was a streak of dirty covering Braden's stone. The image of disarray was not something that I was hoping for when visiting Braden on Father's Day. But, it happens.

If there is one thing that I have learned from Braden, it's that you can't control everything. Stuff just invariably happens. You can't control it... outside of putting a moat and landmines around the head stone to prevent animals from eating your plants... and even then, I'm sure the animals will find a way to eat them.

Needless to say, I was a little sad during my visit to the cemetery. With Briana and her current eye color, I started to wonder what things would have been like had Braden survived. Would he have had the same eye color? What would his eyes have looked like had he been able to open his eyes before he passed away? It's always those what-if questions that make me ponder and eventually cry... because I'll never know the answer.

Anyway, following the cemetery, Karen took Briana to see Karen's grandparents. It was a way for Karen to give me some quality alone time while at the same time allowing her to visit her grandfather on Father's Day. And what better way to spend quality time than playing video games? Ah... video games. I've missed them so. Nothing kills a few hours like video games. Plus, for those few hours, there are no worries... there are no chores... just mashing buttons, relaxing, and having fun.

Speaking of which, the fun really started shortly after the video gaming. Karen and I were having my parents and her parents over for Father's Day. As well, we had invited my favorite brother-in-law (PJ) to come over as well. Like PJ was so quick to point out, he was a single father this weekend because my favorite sister-in-law (Janine) left to party it up this weekend in New York with her BFF (Gretchen).

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy spending time with my family. As well, I get a kick out of playing with my favorite niece (Kaleigh) and nephew (PJ). Sometimes it would just be nice to relax and not have to worry about whether my mom is sharing baby holding duties equally with Briana's other grandparents, or whatnot. I guess it's only natural to be stressed by parents.

Anyway, all in all, it was a good day. My father got to hold Briana for an extended period of time. I have come to learn that my father really has not held a baby... like ever. I'm not sure if that was a generational thing or not. Apparently, my mom did all the holding (and it shows with how she is with Briana). So I was pretty happy with that my father got to hold Briana. After all, it is Father's Day. I want the best for my father. Since Braden's passing, I've come to realize how limited our time on Earth is... so I was happy to know that my father got to hold Briana for some time while he could.