I Suck At Thoughts And Prayers

i found out today that one of my friends lost her child. granted, i probably should have asked my friend if it would be all right to blog about the loss. after all, it is a personal and private matter for the family... and i respect that.

as a friend, it is hard not to feel the ripple effects of the loss. after all, friends are supposed to support you in a time of need... and i cannot think of a greater tragedy than the loss of a loved one, especially when the loss is of your own child.

i remember when my son (braden) passed away almost five months ago, many of my friends and family said something along the lines that their "thoughts and prayers" are with karen and i during our loss. obviously, i would like to extend the same sentiments to my friend who just lost her child. unfortunately, i suck at thoughts and prayers. after all, i'm not religious. (don't get me started on the cult-like behavior of church. drink kool-aid/blood of christ? it's not as far fetched to believe.) plus, i occasionally still have the feeling... whether warranted or not... that the supposedly merciful god has forsaken me by taking my son away from me. so needless to say, the "prayers" part of the sentiment would not exactly fit were i to offer "thoughts and prayers". and just offering "thoughts" does not exactly have a good ring to it.

anyway, i wanted to write this post in honor of my friend's lost loved one... to at least recognize that the child existed in this world if only for a brief time. personally speaking, one of my frustrations after the death of braden was to have people who i knew... people who also knew about braden's death... not even mention or ask or make any indication to recognize that braden ever existed. it was frustrating to me because braden was (and still is) important to me and the fact that people would seemingly ignore braden's memory felt insulting. (and all right, maybe i may have vilified some people for it...)

obviously, the topic of loss, particularly the loss of a child, is never a cheery topic and probably is a topic that is mostly swept under the rug or is considered taboo or "hush-hush". so, i can understand that people are sometimes at a loss for words because the topic is outside of their comfort zone.

regardless, the topic is real and people who are uncomfortable with the topic need to deal with it. i am still astounded by the pregnancy mortality rates given to karen and i after braden passed away. the doctors told us that about 30% of pregnancies do not make it. that is an amazing statistic... one that definitely shatters the illusion brought on by the media and television that pregnancies are pretty much automatic. you get pregnant... you have a child.... not always the case in real life.

i didn't mean to go off on a tangent. obviously, the feelings about my own personal loss with braden are still with me. those feelings will probably always be with me... until i'm fortunate enough to see braden again. people have said that life will get easier in time. with my current fickle mood swings, i sure am hoping sooner than later. i sometimes feel like i am losing my mind.

as for my friend, i wish you and your family all the best. obviously, if you or anyone in your family ever needs anything, please do not hesitate to ask karen or i. we would be more than willing to help. i guess you can even say that my thoughts are with you and your family during this time. (see, the phrase doesn't really have the same effect without the "prayers" part.)

hopefully braden will find your lost loved one and they can hang out and be best friends... and do all the things that their parents can only wait to learn about in the afterlife.